Staying Confident During The Teen Years

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Going through Grades 6-12 are some of the toughest years socially we will ever go through in our lives.

This is the point where your kids can easily lose their way, become depressed, struggle with their self confidence and turn to dangerous behavior like alcohol, drugs, crime, etc…as a way to "fit in"

The most common thoughts at that point in life surround the rapid rate of change in friendships  and the very normal, strong tendency to give up one's own values, beliefs and thoughts to abide by others just so you can continue to fit in with your peers.

It almost seems like a hopeless situation at times, you force yourself to fit in to have friends, but then you are not personally happy or you try and stay true to your thoughts and beliefs but give up key friends…tough decisions that we rarely have to make again in our lives.

STAYING TRUE TO YOURSELF AND ATTRACTING GREAT FRIENDS

First point is that this is very normal.¬† 6th-12th grade are some of the most challenging times socially in your entire life…mainly because you are going through everything for the first time and learning as you go.

Add to that the fact that chemical changes are going on in your body impacting your brain function…just adding to the challenge of working your way through these years of your life.

Rest assured, everyone goes through this and it is a temporary (in the grand scheme of things very tiny) part of your life…so at the very worst, you will evolve out of the current situation no matter how bad it seems today.

Everyone else is the same way and though they may appear to adjust better, in many cases they are not – they have their own insecurities, doubts and anxieties (which can often result in negative behavior toward others)

When times are turbulent like this what you want to do is stay true to yourself, that is what will keep you at peace of mind and internally fulfilled even on bad days,

You draw on your inner strength knowing that you can deal with whatever situation comes up.

There are two major causes of discontent at this stage in your life:

1. You tend to resist change…looking back at how things were when you were younger wishing things could be the same when in fact change happens rapidly at this stage of life and you cannot stop that– you need to give up dreaming about the way it used to be and ackknowledge that people and social situations change, some for the better, some not. Get used to that and deal with the current rather than dwelling on the past.

2. The other reason for your current negative feelings are most likely related to the fact that you haven't stayed true to yourself, that you have "caved" on some of your beliefs, values and thoughts just so you could be with certain people…that may work short-term, but in the long-term takes a toll on your internal confidence and then exhibits itself as negative behavior which makes you less attractive to others (when you don't like yourself nobody else will even have a chance)

All of this is very normal by the way – happens all the time.

The good news is that by re-aligning yourself with what you value, what you like, you will become more confident leaving yourself more open to forming solid relationships again,.

Make sense?  Comment if you have a question or thought about this post.

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