One of the most common challenges we have in life is social interaction…being able to be self-assured, self-confident and comfortable when speaking with other people be they friends, relatives, strangers in group settings or one-on-one. Many people see themselves instead as socially awkward or inept.
In fact, for many people the desire to be involved and "part of the group" battles with our own self-confidence and self-perception to such an extent that "coping" mechanisms are created where they "fool" their minds into thinking they really don't need to be social and spend their entire lives keeping people from getting close with them.
While this works for a time, eventually our desire to be social emerges and we become unhappy in life.
So why aren't we able to talk and hang out with other people if that's what we really want?
Why do we create this false sense of wanting to be alone even though that is not really what we want?
Here's two concepts that can help resolve this inner conflict and help you become a more social, comfortable, happy person…
You may have convinced yourself that you don't want to speak to people even though that is not what you really want.
Do you see how the mind can work against itself?
What is most likely happening here is that you have built up an overblown set of negative "what happens if…" scenarios that make it SO negative that you have created a false "defense mechanism" of convincing yourself you don't want to talk with people because the risk is just too high.
The only way to reverse this is to substitute positive outcomes – begin programming your mind to the positive things that can happen when you talk with people (you get new connections, they listen to you, you learn new things, you become comfortable, you stop being lonely, people like you…etc…) Actually make "movies" in your mind of things going well to reverse all of the negativity you have built around social interaction over the years.
Work on enhancing your own self-esteem. Many of us dread being put into situations that we fear we will not be able to handle. When it comes right down to it we are uncertain about our ability to handle being embarrassed, being left alone for a period of time, being awkward, saying the wrong thing….
What you want to do here is
a) Understand again that you have overblown the negative
b) Look back on the times when you DID handle tough situations
c) Have the self assurance that you can handle anything and everything because ultimately you control how you feel and your response.
Once you regain self confidence the fear subsides, resistance to being with others will be reduced.
When you WANT to be more social and be better around people but aren't – it just takes breaking down why your mind keeps sabotaging what you really want then reverse the trend.