Many of us live with low self esteem for years, in the back of our minds we recognize that we are not quite as confident as others are and create many defense mechanisms that compensate for our low self confidence.
One of the ways we learn to live with the uncomfortable reality of not having a high level of self-esteem is to seek external rewards linking them to both internal feelings of accomplishment as well as the sense that we can mask our low self confidence by showing those around us our achievements.
You buy a new car to impress those around you, that lasts a few weeks.
You have a few beers at a party and talk with people and suddenly you feel like you are part of a group
You get a "good job" from your boss, suddenly the whole world changes for a few days after receiving external confirmation.
Of course the issue with compensating for low self confidence with external validation is that…
- The effect is temporary, the euphoria from external validation disappears as quickly as it appears and you come crashing down
- You do not control this external validation, what happens if you don't get it through no reason of your own? You live a life on a rollercoaster ride of emotions when you depend on others for temporary confidence
The answer, of course, is to realize that to build self esteem you must build inner confidence, a deep well of inner peace, energy and power that you can draw upon no matter what happens externally in your life.
Imagine going to bed each night knowing that you will wake up with total self confidence to be, have or do anything you desire the next day no matter what life throws at you.
Further, you can put aside the worry, anxiety and frustration that comes along with low self esteem, never fully trusting that you will be able to handle what life (or others around you) throw your way.
It has taken you a lifetime of negative thoughts, doubts, external reinforcement to chip away at your inner confidence, starting today you can begin a new daily habit aimed at deepening your self confidence so you can build self esteem. This involves daily affirmations, thought introspection, thought interruption, meditation and discipline…the good news is that with less than 45-minutes each day you can see incredible improvements in your confidence and self esteem within 2-3 weeks followed by further dramatic improvements as you work toward making building self-esteem a daily habit.
Are you working to build your self esteem? Share your story by leaving a comment.