After posting "Self-Confidence, You Just Have to Have It" earlier this past week, many of you have emailed me with some amazing stories and words of thanks as it seemed to be a catalyst for change many of you have been putting off in your lives.
A few of you sent me emails though with a more desperate plea for help in terms of where to get started?
Specifically, I received emails from some that spoke of being stuck in a rut so deep they didn`t know how to recover their long-lost self confidence…they felt like they wanted to be happy and confident again, but on the other hand were down on themselves about their job, their relationships and friends.
What struck me immediately is the amazing canyon that stood between their `wants and wishes`and the reality of how they were living their lives every day.
WANTS AND WISHES TO REALITY OF BEING MORE SELF-CONFIDENT
One of the best steps forward is to realize that "wanting" to be happy and actually making it happen are two very different things.
It serves almost no purpose wanting things…what really makes things happen is the daily conditioning of yourself to be in a state where you truly believe (even KNOW) that what you want is not only possible, but will be a reality in your life.
Here is the reality for most people…
1. They badly want and wish for more confidence and to be happier
2. They completely believe they are a failure or are sub-par at many things in life (attracting friends, relationships and dating, getting a better job, digging out of financial holes, or just being happy in life)
Whenever I speak with people that have a temporary low state of self-confidence, they can talk a good game in terms of where they wish there were in their lives, but when it comes to them actually talking about their life, it`s another story entirely.
They quickly move from positive thoughts to negative explanations like…
Ì suck at my job, no matter what I do I can`t seem to get it right
Whenever I date someone they seem all wrong for me, they don`t respect me like they should
Nobody wants to be around me, I am terrible at attracting friends
In other words, even though you "want" to be happy and successful at a particular area of your life you have made your mind up that you are not.
This is the gap that must be overcome in order to make real change in your life.
Here are a few things to try right away…
1. Know that only YOU can turn your life around, and that you can do it starting right now. You are in control…it's not chance, skill, born talent or anything else outside of your control
2. You have spent the last X years conditioning yourself in a state that has your mind and body believing that you are a failure, unsuccessful at almost any job and likely in many other areas of your life. What you want to do is begin purposefully working at conditioning yourself for the positives. Start by writing down 3-4 things you ARE good at, that you are proud of, that you felt good about, that helped someone…it doesn't matter what they are, they will simply be the start of conditioning yourself for more self-confidence
3. What is your ultimate desired outcome in your job/career, relationships, health, finances, social (friends), family, and personal mood/emotions? Write these out…we will never achieve what is not first perceived, so go ahead and write out the ultimate outcome
4. Now, each day you want to spend at least 10-min twice a day reviewing both your list of positives and your desired outcomes – as if they are imminent – that you WILL get them, it's just a matter of a short time.
This will get you started in two important areas – having a concrete direction and re-conditioning your low confidence to improved self confidence and self esteem reversing the tides of all those years of negative conditioning.
Give it a real effort for 2-3 weeks and you should start to see improvements…
HAVE YOUR SAY
Leave us a comment and let us know your thoughts, questions and results if you are willing to try the steps to higher self confidence in this post…it`s always great to hear from you.