We all have things, situations, or people that triggers fear deep within us and renders us fairly useless in terms of response.
For some, it is the sight of an attractive member of the opposite sex, suddenly they are reduced to a blithering idiot (at least in their own minds)
For others, the fear of death, of heights, or fear of intimacy can result in major challenges in their life.
In order to be the best we can be…to achieve Beyond Greatness (as this great book on achievement teaches us), we must learn to face and overcome our fears…to do that, we need courage.
Nobody wants to feel the sudden heart palpatations, feelings of dread, sweaty palms or guilt of not facing fear head-on again, so let's look at a method for increasing your courage and facing one's fears
DEFEATING FEAR & ANXIETY
This may sound simple, but I urge you to give it a try.
I have overcome many fear-laden situations by imagining a "best case" situation where everything goes absolutely fine.
We spend so much time picturing how these situations could go wrong, that's what feeds the fear. If your fear is approaching an attractive person of the opposite sex, then whether you realize it or not, you have run that "movie" inside your head hundreds of times where the outcome turns out bad…where you get rejected or made fool of. How can you possibly be expected to behave normally when such a massive dread has been created inside your own head?
So instead, imagine walking right up to an attractive woman, starting the conversation and confidently engaging her in light-hearted talk where she really ends up digging you. Or imagine getting up in front of a group of people and engaging them in light-hearted talk to start your next public speaking engagement – see the smiles on their faces, feel the warmth in the room, see it all unfolding in a way where you are a BIG HIT by the end of the day.
I've done this with public speaking, dealing with authority figures (where I used to bring along a fair amount of "chip on my shoulder") as well as fears of heights…just to name a few off the top of my head. I can tell you two things happen when you use this approach:
- Your fear is reduced as are all of the associated symptoms such as not thinking clearly, being flustered, not able to communicate, and so on…
- Because you are able to operate without as much fear, your performance is better and people will respond…they sense that you are in control, that you do not have fear and that you are warm and open to their attention.
I like to use the analogy that dogs can sense fear in humans, I believe others can sense fear in you as well and are repelled by it (or may even try and take advantage of it).
So, by controlling fear you reduce that negative energy and others begin to respond to you as you wish.
You want to visualize this "perfect" situation 3-4 a day for the next few days and you should feel your fear ease up enough to take action.
Let me know if you have other ways of increasing your courage to fight your fears?