I had a friend on the phone a few weeks back that sounded something like this…
- I should have never went into this latest job, it was doomed to fail from the beginning
- I have such a social anxiety that I couldn't make a good impression on my bosses
- I haven't been with a women in months because I'm a jerk who can't even look them in the eye
- My life is going nowhere — I'm depressed and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel
- And so on…
20-minutes of constant negative statements about their past, current and future life…not one positive statement and this is just a sampling of what was really going on inside his head!
YOU ARE IN A RUT BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU THINK
For my friend the negative internal negative thinking and self-talk had become so normal they didn't even realize they were doing it.
But to me, it was so obvious, there was such a black cloud of internal thinking going on that nobody could function in that environment.
Yet, there is still so much this person can do in a very small period of time to change their life, escape their rut and completely turn their life around.
Your thinking, self-talk and external behavior is 110% focused on all the negatives.
Can you relate?
At one time or another we all have these sorts of thoughts and have negative self-talk going on inside our head (it usually happens without even realizing)
What you want to do is spend at least equal time (start with 3 15-minute sessions each day) doing nothing but focusing on the positives (I don't mean make stuff up, but find the positives in you, what happened in the past, what happened today and what could happen in the future).
Here is a 3-step process that can help escape your rut and turn your life around instantly!
1. Learn to listen to yourself – it starts with realizing what you are thinking and saying to yourself. Start with 3 15-minute periods each day and just focus on what you are thinking about yourself. Each time you think something negative about yourself or someone else, write it down – just let your thoughts flow naturally and get all of this negativity identified
You may think things like…
- I am shy
- I don't have friends
- I have a terrible job and my boss hates me
- My best friend is not a great person
- Nobody likes me
2. Once you have the list of negatives down, you want to reflect on those and think about how accurate they are. For example, I am shy…are you shy all the time? Are there situations where you are NOT shy? Maybe 1 on 1 you are great, but in groups you are shy.
What you want to start to do is qualify these statements so they are not all encompassing…they may describe a part of you or a certain situation, but are not always true are they?
So you have some anxiety around social situations, are there situations where you are comfortable? Someone you have helped in the past? A situation where you have felt totally at ease and comfortable?
Now, go back and think of those social situations where you were anxious but where they turned out just fine…a common human issue we all have is to think the worst of something even though it is often not warranted.
3. Positive Response – The final step is to take each negative and have a positive counter thought or feeling. For example, against I am Shy you may list, my close friend really likes me because I listen well and am sensitive to their needs.
For each negative you want at LEAST 1 counter positive.
Then you want to review and write these down regularly.
You see, chances are that 99% of your current thoughts and self-talk is negative, what we want to do is make room for an equal or greater degree of positive thinking (based on reality, not based on made up stuff)
Write out these positive experiences, over and over – repeat them to yourself (just as you unknowingly repeat the negatives into your brain)
The bottom line is that until you make the decision to get out of your rut, change your life, improve your self confidence – things will only get worse.
The great news is that you totally CAN…and when you change your image and thinking about yourself suddenly you open up a bright light of energy that will attract much more friendship, involvement, results and happiness in into your life.
Make this your defining moment and from here on in, slow and steady progress toward your dream life must be your new reality!