September 13, 2007
Is Your Life Stuck In A Rut – 10 Ways Out
No matter how motivated, driven or aligned we are, everyone of us goes through a period in our life when we are stuck in a rut.
Here are some of the sure signs your life is stalled:
- Your energy drops dramatically
- You suddenly become undecided, confused as to your next step
- Now, playing the game becomes more important than achieving results
- Seemingly overnight you are gaining weight, not sleeping and generally in ill health
- And the biggy…you stop dreaming about what is possible barely able to make it through what "is"
It can happen without warning to the most optimistic of people.
From the pages of "Achieving Extreme Greatness" – When your life gets stuck in a rut, here are 10 things you can do to help break the habit…
- Convince yourself it will pass. When you are in a rut it seems that you will never break free, by recognizing that this is simply a phase you are going through, a period that you can change so take the pressure off and change will come faster
- Exercise. Even though times like this make any sort of physical exercise even more challenging, you must break free and focus on at least low-grade exercise such as a walk, jog or swim
- Get social. We tend to become withdrawn in the low points of our life, a better approach is to join a new sport, hobby, fitness class, support group or other social activity where you can be with others
- Change your diet. We tend to become self-destructive in times of trouble within our lives – eating too much sugar and carbohydrates, escaping reality with alcohol and stimulants – by breaking these bad habits we can build momentum that will break out of our rut
- Change your routine. Being stuck in a rut is really succumbing to a pattern of bad habits – by breaking your routine, just one step toward change can get the ball rolling
- Baby steps. Our tendancy is to wait for some major life event to break us out of our rut when the best way to quickly escape this hell-like, self-imposed prison is to take small steps each day toward improving our life
- Change your company. There are times in my life where I was kept in a rut largely by the negative energy of the people around me. When you are stuck in life look around you, do you have positive role models or mentors you can rely on to help you see the light?
- Take responsibility. Look inward and understand that you have everything you need to succeed wildly today, it's just that you are relying on external factors for your success. By taking responsibility for changing your situation you empower yourself to break free of your rut.
- Introspection and Meditation. When things around you get so heavy, so meaningless and challenging – give yourself permission to focus inward for 30-minutes each day by practicing yoga and meditation. With just a week of consistent meditation you will be amazed at how less terrible you will feel about your current rut
- Know the signs. Take stock each day of your feelings, your accomplishments and how well aligned your actions are with your inner purpose and desire. Recognize how you feel and how you respond when under pressure, out of control and out of alignment. If you can identify these characteristics early you can take control before you get stuck in a rut
There is no reason to spend another day stuck in a rut. Use these 10 techniques to break free and begin living life the way you really want to once again.
Jeff
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Thank you
Great post. It's helpful to give tips for people to make change. Even small changes can have a major impact on how we perceive life.
What if you moved to a new city…don't know many people…the people you do befriend are only out for themselves…"whats in it for me? How can I use and abuse the shit out of you?" So I isolate I believe it is better to be alone than in bad company…so how do you get social? And if you walk the dog to do it and people seem to run the other way…or talk only for a short time…like I have the plague? What then? What if you have no car, no job, no friends, no money, no boyfriend, no boobs? What if you can't change your diet because you situation doesn't allow you to? Your skills to cook do not allow you to? What then? Get comfortable in the rut?
I liked your point number 6. Take baby steps. That is so important. Many times we get confused with making life changing decisions like career changes and really the answer is hidden in the little steps.
My life has been going down hill for approximately three years, when I moved in with my current boyfriend. He has ended up being controlling, (didn't want me to work so I stopped, duh), controls all the money, kicks me out every other week, threatens to shut off the lights water etc. I have been raising my two grandkids, now 16 and 19, plus I have taken in two homeless teenagers. My boyfriend gets mad over any and every little thing, he is mad more than he is not. I am going through a total depression, been looking for work. Wake up every day, counting the minutes until I can go back to bed and forget my life. Help me please. I did go to the doctor he put me on klonpin which kind of helped at first but now seems to be doing nothing and I don't want to get addicted to some medication. I have no friends (he wouldn't allow that either), I look back and no how truly stupid I was to let him get this control that he now has but I don't know how to get out of it. I can't find a damn job, have no family and no where to turn.
@Julia:
I am sorry Julia you are going through this. I believe you are going through something terrible and no one should make you feel this way. Your life isn't about waking up only to looking forward to going back to bed. You should have a lot more drive and passion. You sound so hospitable and caring…you do not deserve this. Either dump him or move out as that loser isn't worth even a tear from you. You must get up and LEAVE! Easier said than done and time is a healer but you must do it..I was physically and mentally abused until I forced myself out of it. I am now married to a lovely person..albeit not perfect marriage but my self-respect is here, my dignity is here and I am not ill-treated..I just have to deal with his extended family for now!!!
@Annie: perhaps if you think people are only out for themselves you are shying away from something you dislike about yourself, and are only concerned about what's in it for you, the best way to form a mutually beneficial relationship with someone is to simply strive to benefit their interests rather than your own. in other words, do stuff for other people, and they will like you, and perhaps reciprocate. we humans used to rely on community and altruism, but the corporatocracy has weeded out those good traits by making us seem "self sufficient" when we really rely on corporations for our jobs, our food, our other necessities, and thus our identities, humanity is in a big giant rut, and we are being dug deeper by people that want us exactly where they have put us, and have been keeping us our whole lives. one good way to reach people is by learning to make really good food, and giving it away.
@Annie- I know exactly how you feel. I feel so trapped! I don't know anyone and no matter how many people I call to do things with they are always busy or just don't call me back at all. We should be friends
haha
If you don't know anyone I recommend hobbies. Take an evening cooking class. Take up yoga. Do something that you never thought you would ever do! But make sure you do it with people. Getting positive feedback from others is what we all need to feel good about ourselves. We're all good at something. Spend your life finding the things you are good at, that bring you joy, and hold on to these tightly.
Thank you for posting the article above. Now I am convinced that I am stuck in a rut! I am at the office right now and I can't seem to start a task. I have been asking myself what is going on with me? Why suddenly I am not happy with the leadership position I have and yes, "playing the game becomes more important than achieving results"… so true. The 5 signs are so applicable to me.
I was in the same situation 2 years ago so I left my previous job. Now I am in this same situation and I don't want to happen what happened before. I will try to act on the tips above and see if these miracles will work. I know it will never be easy. Everyday, I have to drag myself to work. My performance is trending low and I can't help my team motivate themselves anymore as I lost my drive. My boss asked me if I am "stuck in a rut?" which them made me think big time. The answer is yes. I am. And so I forced myself to look for answers and browse the net. I hope the tips will help me get back on track even though I have no support from my boss. I guess he didn't know what I am going through. But anyhow, thank you Jeff. I also hope the 10 tips will help me break free and start living my life the way I've always wanted to. Thanks again!!!
Bren – this is exactly why I posted on this particular topic – we all get to the point where we feel stuck in a rut, sometimes we reach it several times in our life…that is perfectly normal. The key is to recognize these periods, get to expect them and know how to move on without it impacting our lives for long periods of time or giving up altogether. Being stuck is actually somewhat of a gift when you consider the healthy result is to take stock of where we are, look back inside of ourselves and re-align our life at that point in time to better reflect our core values, beliefs and desires at that time in our life. We constantly learn more, gain more experience and evolve which means these times of getting stuck end up in renewal keeping our lives moving forward, exciting and fulfilling.
Am still stuck in a rut. Life changed dramatically 6 months ago where I was made redundant (woohoo global financial crisi), where my bf left me and my dear dear beloved father passed away in a sudden unexpected event. I blindingly took the first job available (regret regret regret) and as I start coming out of my grief I realise – what the hell am I doing here. Have started taking new classes, getting fitter, learning french and a new musical interest just to have something to look forward to at the end of each day to make the week fly by. Still – there are times when it is tough and you think "when will all this end and life go back to normal". The answer: I dont know and still dont know. Just hoping that change would happen somehow.
I also feel as though I'm stuck in a rut. It's so hard because it's as if my mind plays tricks on me. One day I feel as though I know where I'm headed and what I want & the next day everything feels impossible to achieve.
It's so hard because I even feel guilty about the fact that I don't have it as rough as some ppl yet I still manage to feel down. I hate feeling like this and want to be happy and lit up inside again. I think Jeff's suggestions are really good and will try to implement them myself. Thank you for this site, it makes me feel less alone to know that others also have insecurities and these same low points. Hopefully "this too shall pass".
Denise, one thing we need to figure out is if your main challenges (when you get the feelings of being overwhelmed or that your direction is impossible) is with the ultimate goals and objectives you have set out or if the challenges are more around fears, anxiety or low self-confidence about reaching that ultimate objective.
Do you have a sense for which one of these may be causing the hiccups you mention?
When you get the feelings that your goals are impossible to reach, do you believe it has to do with the goals you have selected or with uncertainties/fears/negative challenges that impact your belief that you will get there?
Jeff
I know that I'm stuck in a rut and have been for some time now, but I don't see any reason for me to be in one; I got into the university of my choice, got a first class in my fresher year and made it onto the rowing team having never done it before. But since my first year I've been sinking deeper and deeper into a state of inertia- I'm no longer motivated, haven't made any decisive steps to help me find a job after uni, I find it hard to complete simple tasks to a deadline and I feel lonely and sad because I've spread myself too thin and so have no close friends, just lots of acquaintances. I find myself avoiding social situations, trying to absorb myself in my work (and subsequently becoming more and more inefficient and getting worse and worse grades), and find I have no confidence in myself. I've got a loving boyfriend and supportive parents, and I feel selfish and like I am letting them down. Every time I say to myself I need to make a change, it always backfires and I end up going one step forward, 500 steps back.
First, it is good that you have recognized that rut – next know that we all go through this at times, so it is not just you, but everyone feels this way at different times of their life, it is what we do in responsive to those feelings that can make the biggest difference.
It is hard to figure it all out based on your comments above, but there seem to be two potential areas that could be behind your rut. One may be the university & pending change to a new life with a job. It could be that it wasn't all you expected, you are fearing you may be headed in the wrong direction or you simply fear the next change – to a paying job.
At the same time, you mention your lack of close friends…outside of your boyfriend. That can certainly lead to a rut. It is common for people in university to feel this way as the work load increases, you are in a relatively new life situation and everyone is a little uncertain about where they will be in a few years. When this happens you need to try harder to put yourself in situations where relationships will form naturally. Take a course for fun, join the school gym, join a local toastmasters public speaking course, see if your school has a running club…etc
Not only will doing something for the enjoyment of it help get out of your mental rut, it will give you a new opportunity to form relationships and friends…
Finally, getting better at relaxing, introspection and breaking down your fear boosting self confidence are all supported within Attracting Greatness at http://www.attractgreatness.com – I would certainly get a copy and follow the steps & techniques outlined there.
Jeff
I am stuck un such a financial and emotional rut. I am 48years old my finances are getting worse and so is the rut i am in. I come home from work and don't do anything, I used to go to the gym. I have no motivation I feel like I am in a dead end job. I would love to take courses but know that it is just one more thing I will start and not follow thru with because every time I go to take a test I fail it and then don't want to continue. I need some advice
I have been in a rut now since May. My girlfriend of 2 years tells me that "its not you its me" routine, breaks up with me a few days later. We have worked together for 7 years. I have been to counseling for 6 months and that has helped a bit. I have had no contact with my ex since July. Also every interview that I go on, always seems to be the same result…."thanks we appreciate you coming in and interviewing with us, but we have decided to go in a different direction. Good luck on the upcoming school year." Sucks! And trying to make ends meet is tough…I just feel like there is no end in sight. Sucks not having her in my life, I thought with a new job, might be something to get me going, but it didn't happen..Just same cycle and all I hear is…"things will look up, you will find someone." Well I don't want to find someone, because she was the one….and now I have to spend everyday in the same building as her, crossing paths with her and being ignored…and all those who are our "mutual friends" will say, "oh well life goes one." I just am looking for a way to get out of this rut.
For a while now, Ive been in this rut of just plain feeling down. It wasn't till I was writing a poem and needed to know that 'rut' was spelled so easily that I stumbled upon this article. Im a student in collage, got a scholarship and all. And in my two years there ive been getting distant to all. I started off the top of my class. Talking to everyone that passed by, asking them about their lives. Then for some reason I started to feel lost. Instead of looking for conversation like ive done all my life. Im avoiding it all together. I try not to make eye contact with people most of the time. Just telling myself im here to focus on work. But the funny thing is (not really that funny) Now my grades are at a all time low. Im graduating in 3 months without my feet on the ground and I know it should be motivation for me to get my life straight but I havnt felt that awakening yet. Anyways. I want you to know that Im sure you've helped out a lot of people with this article and I for one am grateful. No matter how down you are, every one needs a little pick me up and reading this has really made me think. Its been a hand on my shoulder (after the slap in the face) telling me its all going to be okay. Thank you my man. Im going to stay strong and believe in myself which is the first step of it all