Once day, you come to the realization that you must reclaim your self-worth.

That your self-esteem has hit rock bottom and that you are not living the life you had intended.

You become stuck in a rut with very little hope, energy or direction and that's when you figure out…all of this started because I gave up my self-worth

That's right – I said "gave up" because inherently we all have a fundamental maximum self-worth…only through your thinking and reactions to life can you choose to ignore that infinitely existing state of maximum self-worth.

You control your self worth, if you have let someone or situation take that away from you, then you have every right and ability to stop that destructive thinking and once again control your own self esteem and feelings of self worth.

This involves a combination of dealing with the negatives that tend to lead you to give up control (fear, anxiety, love of a negative person, toxic physical state) while at the same time learning to get back in touch with what your core values and passions are in life – meditation can be a great practice to help with both of these objectives. 

While this sounds simple, and it CAN be, there are fundamental processes for recognizing, understanding and changing your negative thought patterns instead substituting them with the thoughts aligned with your ever present self-worth…these processes and steps are covered in detail inside Attracting Greatness. 

And yes, you are correct – you MUST regain your self worth, it impacts every aspect of your life but most of all, your ability to live in alignment with the real you from which all energy flows.  

Only when you recognize and live aligned with your fundamental self-worth can you exist in harmony with the universe bringing you happiness, joy, fulfillment and attracting greatness from every direction.

Do any of these sound familiar to you?

• Getting angry when you find out that someone has achieved what you dream of in much less time?
• Resenting the fact that someone around you seems to have a more loving relationship?
• Wondering how your neighbor could be a better parent than you?
• Doubting your own ability to raise your child in the absolute best way possible?
• Angry at your boss at work because he or she has somehow reached a higher level than you even though you have worked there longer and worked harder?

Many of us ride the rollercoaster of being envious and jelous multiple times each day…in the end there is nothing positive about these emotions or their resulting impact on our behavior so we want to change. 

Here are 4 ways to reduce the amount of jelousy and envy in your life:

1. Focus less on camparing yourself to others and more comparing your progress against goals you have set for yourself.  One common mistake we make is to judge our own progress with that of those around us.  The happiest, most successful and fulfilled people have a clear vision of where they want to go, how they want to live and why…and they pursue it without giving much thought to those around them.  For many people who constantly compare themselves against others, this is all the more frustrating.  So, instead of looking at other people for acceptance and guidance, work on your own uncovering your own inner purpose and journey.
2. Stop thinking scarcity and start thinking abundance.  Often jelousy or envy is the result of thinking that because someone else accomplishes what you want, there is one less opportunity for you to accomplish the same or more.  Know that there is LOTS of room at the top of the mountain and YOU determine whether you reach the summit, not someone else
3. Embracing success adds momentum to your own journey.  Knock other people down and you stand a much lower chance of success, build them up and you are improving your own chances of success – if you believe in attraction, then think of this as attracting positive energy, if not, think in more practical terms that what comes around, goes around — be happy for enough people and they will remember and help you
4. Take some emphasis off of YOU and put it on your journey.  It isn't all about you, but rather about what you are trying to accomplish.  When you begin to think less about yourself and more about the journey on the way to reaching your goals suddenly you block out the target for jelousy and envy – your ego

Being jelous and envious is counter productive and always ends up in behavior that hurts you in the end, so starting today – right now – let's pledge to reduce our jelousy and envy and enhance our lives together – ok?

Having been raised in an abusive situation, suffering years of low self-esteem, being wrapped up in addiction he had now finally come out the other end having beaten the addiction and able to gain some newfound focus in his life.

Yet, doubt and fear was still holding him back.  He doubted his ability to be competitive, to be socially accepted by his peers, to take his art to the next level…all doubts that many of us would have as we persue our own goals and dreams.

But this person has something even HE did not realize was SO powerful!

Instead of looking at the negatives of the past, looking at himself as the victim, dumping excuse after excuse onto the past situation we made a change that nearly blew his mind!

We switched to looking at what he had been through as something SPECIAL Of course having to live through something like this is a tragedy and we are not justifying this in any way…but isn't it true that living through negative experiences and having overcome such obstacles says something about your character?

By the end of our conversations, he finally understood that any future challenges that come up pale in comparison to what he had already PROVEN he could live through.

For many of us, we create images of "what if" that overestimate the challenges that may face us and ultimately, we doubt our own ability to deal with the future (or at least the future as we have created it in our head). 

But for those who have experienced challenges in their past, draw from those to boost your self esteem.  Know that you have faced adversity unlike most others in the past and that NOW anything else will seem like small potatoes!

Absolutely, it sucks that anyone must live through negative experiences – but having lived through those experiences took inner strength.  That same inner strength can now be the foundation upon which self-confidence can be increased, self-assuredness built and achievement can be the outcome.

For most, especially kids and young adults, seeking self confidence through praise, doing the "right" thing and trying to "fit in" can actually send us down the wrong path – even though the quest for confidence building may seem like we are doing the right thing, by making the source of that self confidence something outside of us we are placing our very lives in the hands of others.

For instance, in this recent study in Michigan, students rated self confidence boosting feedback and situations above sex, drinking and getting paid meaning that the majority's dependence on external factors influencing their self esteem was almost as important as food, water and air to them.

But is that the right perspective? 

Does chasing praise and positive opinions about our behavior serve us well?

What happens if we lose that source of external self-esteem, will our lives collapse and fall apart? 

In Attracting Greatness it is clearly shown that the top achievers, happiest and most adjusted individuals are those that are able to draw on incredible sources of self confdience from within themselves. 

In fact, just knowing that they themselves can handle any situation and can pull up confidence no matter what their life situation is instills in them an inner peace, confidence, fulfillment and happiness that those who have yet to tap into their inner well of strength has.

So, the point being  – seeking self confidence through dependence on external factors is really no different than seeking satisfaction in life through dependencies on drugs, alcohol, eating or other destructive habits.

While working on your ability to trust yourself, see the tremendous energy and power of your own spirit, instincts and reason – and how all of this gives you an unending supply of internally derrived self confidence making you unstoppable is a terrific way build a healthy sense of self confidence that radiates energy and makes you more attractive to those around you. 

Where are you with your self confidence?  Are you able to see your own personal stores of energy and confidence?  Leave a comment and share.

Thoughts, to a large extent, control your beliefs which impacts your action combining together (with the universe) to give you the results you get in life.

Today is the day to stop "betting" that somehow things are magically going to change in your life and instead, take charge and control that change charting a course in a direction that will turn 2011 into your best year ever.

That means thinking BIG things…no matter where you are or what has happened in the past, it's time to think BIG.

Start working on this today:

1. Relationships:  What BIG thoughts can you write down and review each day around where you want to be with your relationships.  For example, if you have just gone through a rough patch, you want to put that aside for now and write down a positive statement about the ideal relationship – what he or she will mean to you, do with you and what you will do for them.

2. Personal development:  What positive statement can you make about your personal growth will you make for the first few months of 2011?  Perhaps something like "I will become supremely self-confident and self-assured by workding 15-minutes each and every day of January on improving my own comfort level and banishing my fears forever!"

3. Have a few statements (that you repeat until they are everyday thoughts) around health and wellness.  This may be around weight loss, building muscle tone (and reducing body fat), reducing sugar by half in your diet, lowering sodium, being more consistent with your nutrition or exercise, etc…

4. Finally – some positive thoughts around money and your career/job.  Remember, you want to think BIG thoughts here – you want to place yourself in the ideal situation where you a) Control your destiny, b) Get to have positive people around you every day c) Are paid for your value to the marketplace (not limited by a flat paycheck) and d) Get to learn and improve everyday instead of stuck in a job that you hate

The results you will achieve in 2011 are DIRECTLY linked to your actions which are largely controlled by your thoughts.   So, doesn't it make sense that taking control of your thoughts right now will ensure that you are steering your actions in a way that will guarantee you better results?

Why not share some of your statements with us so we can all work on this together and really knock it out of the park in 2011?  Leave a comment on the top right corner of this posting.

What about you?  As a parent, are you more concerned about your child's self-confidence than say bullying, anger management or other social/psychological challenges they may experience growing up?

WHY SELF-CONFIDENCE MATTERS

In today's society people are forced to make more decisions in less time which means that those of us who must convince or persuade others have to be more effective than ever.  It goes without saying that one major factor in our ability to quickly persuade or impress someone else is self-confdence. 

Looking at some of the most successful people ever in Beyond Greatness, one of the 5-Pillars of greatness is self-confidence — so those of us who are concerned for our kids level of self-esteem fundamentally kn0w this to be an important quality they must posess as they grow older. 

Now, we find out we are not alone.  A recent survey commissioned by Big Brothers and Sister's organization finds that the #1 concern parents have for their kids is low self-confidence…a full 62% cited concern in that area beating out other issues such as bullying and alcohol/drug addictions likely supporting the notion that low levels of confidence are often the catalyst for other negative experiences our children have as they grow. 

All of this said, let's note a couple of cautions about judging self-confidence in our kids:

1. Kids mature at different speeds, your 10-year old may not yet have the strong self-confidence that his peers have at school, that doesn't mean he will never have self-confidence, it may just mean he hasn't yet fully developed his place in the world

2. Outward appearance isn't everything.  Many people make the mistake of confusing being outgoing or an abundance of outward behavior as self-confidence where a quiet, less competitive or more reflective person is thought to have lower self-confidence.  Instead of looking at how outgoing they are socially, look for signs of happiness, contentment, self-assuredness, taking interests in things, and having a close circle of friends as opposed to looking at how outward their personality is. 

On the other hand, signs of low self-cofidence can include:

• Have trouble dealing with their emotions (not just periodically, but often)
• Are unhappy more than they are happy
• Often hesitate or refuse to do what they want to as fear overtakes them
• Are unable to act independantly or take responsibility
• Shy away from new opportunities (as a rule rather than the occasional dislike)

Note – we all go through points in our lives when we are operating at lower self-esteem than at other times, kids are no different.  So, if there is something quite new such as a move, a new school year, or other major life change, give them some time before you judge them as needing a boost to their confidence. 

3 Ways To Boost Your Kids Self-Confidence

1. Make sure they feel loved and wanted.  I've noticed this with many families struggling with kids who have low self-confidence, they have lost touch with their kids.  It's easy to do in today's busy society.  Look for ways to spend more time with them, talk with them, share moments – become active in their life again and you will have set the foundation for strong self-confidence.  Making sure your child feels loved doesn't increase their self-confidence immediately, instead it sets a strong foundation upon which their own growth can occur. 

2. Help them get to know themselves.  So much about childhood and learning is about others teaching them about the outside world, how to act toward others, more and more about the world around them…but what about how they get to know themselves?  I was in my 20's before I really figured out how important it was to take some time each day to get to know what was inside of me…you can help kids do this with introducing them to concepts of personal improvement, visualization, breathing exercises, imagination games and even introduce the basics of meditation to them. 

3. Stop doing things for them…instead encourage them to do for themselves.  This is tough to do, but instead of doing things for them, let them try things and make mistakes.  There will be messes, they will occasionally get hurt, and their will be times where it will pain you more than them…but letting go while still loving them is crucial for them to grow their self-confidence.

There are two common causes for severe low self-esteem among kids…not loving them enough and smothering them.

The key to increasing your child's self confidence is offering them unconditional love, get involved in their lives and know when to back off and let them make their mistakes.  I know, easier said than done, but the stakes are high.

What have you found works to improve your kid's self confidence?

We had the conversation about what he wanted to accomplish, what value did he want to delivery to his market and how he would help people who would be the target of his latest book?

Obviously the conversation was not going in a direction he wanted it to go in.

Instead, he kept asking "how much do you think I can make by doing X?"  Or…"how soon can I make $Y"

While there are valid questions, there is such a thing as putting the cart before the horse.

Before you can set financial goals, you need to understand what your own beliefs and desires are, what your place in society is, and how you will bring value to those around you.

The system outlined in "Attracting Greatness" is all about aligning your personal desires, passions, strengths into a powerful purpose that attracts happiness, peacefulness and financial security into your life, but my conversation with this young man was the exact opposite, instead it was about something that will make you unhappy and POOR in a hurry, that something is…

DESPERATION

You have experienced the terrible car salesman that so badly wants to sell you a new car that he completely forgets that you are a real person with questions that needs to be heard right?

Or, you have had the pushy network marketing affiliate who breaches the fundamental trust established over years to make a few bucks commission…

How did you feel?

Right – turned off!

Desperation repels happiness, well being and wealth in your life – PERIOD!

Honestly – I know just as many miserable people who are can't come up with next month's rent as I know miserable people who are chasing after more.

Happiness, peace of mind, and life balance comes from within – if you are willing to look inside of yourself and get to really know who you are, what you have to offer, what your role is in the world and become comfortable with who you are…then not only will money not dictate your state of mind, it will be far more likely to flow your way because you are focused on adding value rather than taking.

Being in business for years it always amazed me how the actual realization of financial gain, security and happiness are actually repelled by trying to hard to get it.

If you are desperate, then everyone sees that and you you actually turn people off.

Same thing goes for relationships, health or any other area of your life where you want to make improvement.

By convincing yourself you are NOT up to par in a certain area of your life you are sowing the seeds of self-doubt.  That self-doubt impacts your self-confidence and ultimately your expression of self-esteem in front of others and suddenly you have put yourself at a big disadvantage.

If you are comfortable with who you are, consistently live in tune with your inner beliefs and values and stay focused on adding value then money and happiness will find their way to you because you are coming from a position of internal confidence, gratitude and expectation which tends to attract and draw in the abundance that exists all around us – that is my experience at least.

You wouldn't be the only one, I have fallen for this too as we often make the mistake of assuming the loudest, most outgoing person in the room is the most self-confident person among the group.

You know what I mean.

The storyteller that at first, makes everyone feel comfortable because they take the lead, but that quickly becomes annoying because they won't allow anyone else to get a word in edge-wise.  How about the coach or teacher that feels being loud and "tough" is the best way to teach others – are these really examples of high self confidence?

Just as you peel the onion you see different layers, if you look beyond the loud exterior of most of these people lies a deeply troubled person with very low self confidence as they try and cover this with confident – looking behavior.

Unfortunately, without true self-confidence – a true sense of self-worth you will never be able to reach your true potential or be truly happy and healthy.

Inside "Attracting Greatness" - the excellent new book that finally shows a system that combines the best mental and physical traits of top leaders and difference makers in the world – there are traits that clearly identify one as being highly self confident.  Those self-confidence traits include:

1. Not being afraid to make mistakes. If you look for one measure of your self confidence it would be how open and comfortable you are to making mistakes – even putting yourself in situations where you know mistakes will be made with the objective of quickly learning and improving yourself despite how making that mistake may make you feel.

2. Do you make commitments? If you are always making excuses, trying to get out of making a commitment, always hear that little voice in the back of your head that feels as though you are being backed into a corner when asked to commit – chances are you lack self-confidence.  Commitment is one of greatest signs to the world that you can be trusted and is critical to attracting greatness into your life.

3. Do you trust yourself in the worst of times? We all have moments where we are confident, where we are proud and happy with our actions and feelings, but how many points in your life do you doubt your ability to act as you wish?  Do you struggle in certain situations or in front of certain people?  Do you purposely stay away from certain people or stop doing what you really would like to do because you doubt your own ability or fear failure?  At the highest level of self-confidence we have absolute faith in our own behaviors – not because we believe we will do the right thing in every case, but because we have put our fears into perspective and know that we can handle whatever uncertain situation arises – this is the state you can achieve with "Beyond Greatness"

4. Forget about perfect – seek out perfection only in terms of being true to your inner desire, value and beliefs.  This is actually a very profound concept which starts with spending more time figuring out what is inside of you, what truly makes you happy and consistently living your life in harmony with your inner perspective.

Often what we believe is self-confidence is really the opposite – behaviors, actions and defenses that cover up a lack of self esteem, where confidence is so brittle that a battlefield of weapons have been constructed to avoid that which one so often directly seeks.

With the 5-step system in "Beyond Greatness" you can change your life, build your self-confidence and finally be free to make an impact on the world and live in a constant state of peace, fulfillment and happiness that so many seek, but so few achieve.

So what are some behaviors that indicate you have more self-confidence?

Precisely for these uncomfortable times in our lives do we need to focus on building self confidence and self esteem.

Let's face it, when we are pressured to conform, we do things that we don't believe in…

1. We treat people differently because we feel it will help us "fit in" rather than in alignment with our own personal values and beliefs

2. We behave (either better or worse) in ways that differ from how we would act had we been consistent with our internal values

3. We become frustrated because we can't actually act or react like we know we should

4. We dress differently than we really want to dress

5. Our emotional and physical health suffers as we continually compromise our mind in favor of trying to be accepted

The worst part of all this is that people will sense your level of authenticity, if you are not acting in alignment with your core principles and beliefs then you will come across as fake, distant, unkind, or unlikeable.

By building self confidence, addressing low self esteem we gain the ability to be comfortable within ourselves which gives us a power that works with the universe (instead of against it) operating at a higher level that will attract greatness and great people toward us.

In fact, the stories, techniques and strategies discussed in Attracting Greatness all begin with a strong sense of self worth supported by proven methods of building self confidence.  The benefits include massive improvements in health, financial situation, relationships and personal happiness.

Yes, there will be uncomfortable times.  There will be times when you must stand alone…but as long as you are in alignment with your own core values and principles, that's ok – you will draw more Greatness to you shortly.

First, we must understand what our core principles are.

What is it that drives us?  What kind of relationships do we want?  What sort of experiences do we want to have? How can we improve those around us to the greater advantage?  What kind of fun and excitement do we want to have?  How can we help others AND enjoy what we are doing at the same time?

Second, we must review those core values and principles each and every day.  Spend 5-10 minutes each morning reviewing those principles so that we are mindful of them each day – keeping us aligned with the confidence and self esteem principles that will help us harness the universe.

Third, let your positive experiences fuel your growth and help your quest toward building self confidence even more.  When you weather a rough time and then overcome the challenge, you will gain strength, influence and likability – and you will do it on YOUR terms.

Let those experiences of beating the challenges power you to even greater heights of self confidence.

Having the strength to be yourself, do good work, treat people with great wonder and kindness and achieve extraordinary things is perhaps the most fulfilling thing we can do in life.

It all starts with building self confidence.

As part of Attract Greatness, the objective is to live in a constant state of high confidence, where we are fearless to pursue what we really know is important and valuable in our life. 

So often in our lives we seek approval, reinforcement and identity outside – in the relationships with others, friends, family, employers, co-workers – when we get it, our self confidence soars, but when we don't we come crashing down to earth and suffer debilitating low self confidence that paralyzes us preventing happiness, productivity and enjoyment in life. 

The sooner we can seek internal sources of self confidence and self esteem, the quicker we will realize more consistent levels of happiness and peace in our lives.  Instead of seeking the "quick fix" of getting approval from someone around us, we would be much better suited to determine what really drives and motivates us from inside and live our lives in alignment with those inner desires.