Think about it, what is more frustrating than knowing you want something, are capable of having it but because you doubt your own ability to handle the journey toward achieving your goals (because it most likely contains pot holes of setbacks, negativity and perhaps even rejection) you are trapped into the reality that you can't actually pursue what you want.

Even more frustrating is the fact that those things you want MOST are surrounded by the highest self doubt – what if you can't do it? 

So, yes we have to work on our self confidence and learn to recognize when we do have a strong and healthy self confidence.

Here are 3 tests to tell if you have strong self belief and confidence:

1. You trust your own INITIAL feeling on something instead of following others you listen to or convincing yourself otherwise after letting self doubt enter your mind.  These are typically people who are willing to try anything, who tust their initial gut instinct about things before they begin to create excuses based on subjective fears that are reinforced by negative self-talk

2. You consistently see yourself as equal to those around you, especially those you look up to…and equally do not put yourself below or above others.  A healthy self confidence starts with convincing yourself you are as capable, worthy, reliable and resistent to things that may happen to you as the next person.  On the one had you understand we all have our challenges and insecurities (you do not gloss over negative feelings) and yet know and trust that you can overcome anything that happens to you – a confidence that you will come out ok no matter what life throws at you. 

3. Know that your source of strength comes from inside of you, that you control it and can nurture and dip into that inner strength whenever you need to and that outside opinions and manipulation cannot overcome your inner strength.  So many people lack self confidence bcause they are really scared to death that their inner strength is not strong enough to deal with what the outside world may throw at them…so they recoil and ironically DO allow the outside world to control them, the exact opposite of what is really true. 

How do you rate on these questions?  Are you low, medium or strong in terms of self confidence using these measuring sticks? 

If you see a need to improve your confidence, learn to trust your internal strength and move ahead in your life, check out Attract Greatness - a terrific set of steps to guide you toward strong, internally focused self confidence. 

Let us know where you ranked by leaving us a comment or question, we always enjoy hearing from you.

Here are some common situations that people struggle with…or may avoid altogether if self confidence is low:

1. Saying no to going out with friends even though you really want to go…just because you are afraid you won't look good, act like they want you to or say the right things
2. Settle for the status quo (or what you have now) because you may not be able to handle what happens if you ask for more
3. You can't seem to attract people even though you try very hard…this is often because they see you are uncomfortable which leads to awkwardness for them
4. Paralyzing fear keeps you from speaking in front of groups, so you had that over to someone else who gets all of the credit
5. Everyone thinks you are too serious because you won't let go and show them the "real" you for fear of being rejected
6. You often avoid helping others even though you want to because it may put you in a risky situation
7. You have trouble saying "No", especially to those who intimidate you (and there are lots of those in your life)
8. Sometimes you can't stand yourself, so you escape using video games, sleeping, alcohol or other defense mechanisms
9. You spend more and more time alone even though you would rather be around other people
10. Everyone else always seems to get picked over you…even when you would have done better than them

Any of these sound familiar?

Look, self-confidence has everything to do with self -belief and if you have reached a point in your life where you feel you can't even count on yourself, then daily life becomes filled with stress, frustration and eventually anger as well as negative behaviors.

So what can you do about it?

1. Recognize that you (as we all must) work on your self belief and self confidence daily – more good things will come from this than spending time on anything else in life
2. You must balance and then enhance the negative self-talk that is going on in your head with positive self-talk.  Visualize you as IF YOU ALREADY are confident, such that others around you treat you the way you wish to be treated and continually run this movie through your mind.  At first this will take tremendous conscious effort, but eventually it will become a habit just as the negative self-talk is a habit today
3. Learn to manage your fear and uncertainty by first facing it and then second, putting them into perspective by looking at them objectively using techniques like meditation and relaxation where you can see that most of your fears are overblown
4. Take action…even in the face of fear, or low confidence you MUST jump in with both feet and understand that failure is not absolute – but rather a temporary outcome designed to teach us more about how we improve the next time around

Are you ready to design your life with optimal self confidence, enhance your self belief and experience less frustration in your life?  Give these tips a try…and check out Attract Greatness, a terrific roadmap guide for those who want to turn their life around and quickly get Unstuck moving toward greatness in their lives.

• find it hard to feel any emotion other than being flat
• grow increasingly isolated, people just don't seem to want to be around you or vice versa
• lower energy, can't seem to get up the motivation to take action
• grow quieter and less self-confident around others
• constantly get passed up for promotions, friendships, relationships and such
• a fear or panic about where you are in life
• lack of hope or direction
• frequent use of escapes such as alcohol, watching TV, video games, etc…

Feeling empty is no way to go through life.  You may be able to mask those feelings for a while (sometimes many years), but eventually everyone must deal with these emotions.

The good news is that there are ways to escape this rut, add purpose to your life, boost your self confidence and live a fulfilling life.

1. Work on improving your self-confidence.  In many situations we are holding ourselves back.  We are supressing our true purpose, desires and abilities due to fear, stress and/or toxic bodies.  One of the most useful books on this topic is Attracting Greatness outlining the 5 Pillars of Greatness outlining a roadmap and techniques to help recognize and neutralize fear, manage stress and anxiety and understand how toxicity builds in all of our systems holding us down.   Through painless, rewarding techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, affirmations, you can immediately begin to see improvements in your self-confidence that provides the foundation for further feelings of fulfillment.

2. Trust yourself, stop looking outside for purpose and motivation and begin letting your true potential emerge.  Linked closely to self-confidence are the active techniques you can use to begin to direct your energy inward-out versus letting others energy impact you outward-in.  Control of your energy and projecting that energy outward is one of the most powerful improvements you can make in your life

3. Taking action.  Having self-confidence and a plan in line with your internal purpose is great, but to really keep momentum, make progress and feel great about yourself and those around you each day, you must take action. Fortunately, working on steps 1 & 2 make taking action much easier than it may be for you today. 

You can stop that empty feeling in your life…you have the ability to control your path, with these tips it's now up to you to change your life.  Leave us a comment and tell us how this has helped you or if you have questions.

You could be…

• Stuck in a pattern of day dreaming, unable to take action
• Enveloped in a funk that just never seems to lift
• Tired with no energy to take action or motivate yourself
• Constantly down on yourself for not being able to get where you really want to be
• Trapped in a situation where each hour, day and week seem exactly the same – wondering how to break free

Many of us go through times in our life when we get to this stage of seeing the end point of where we would like to be, but simply can't seem to make any forward progress toward our goals.

CREATE A BRIDGE

Inside Attracting Greatness, the concept of Thinking Big is combined with the idea of practically building bridges as stepping stones to reach our end objectives.

For instance, if today we find ourselves with extremely low self-confidence, barely able to talk with anyone because we are so shy or introverted and our end goal is to be comfortable in our own skin, confident in our own personality and able to be secure in any social situation…that's a pretty big step to reach from where you are right now.

As big as the pain may be for you today in having to deal with your current low self-cionfidence and social awkwardness, the pain of getting from point A all the way to point Z is bigger – the result being you never actually take action to get where you want to be.

That's where the concept of  "bridges" come in.

To reach BIG goals, we need to break down our journey into a series of steps creating bridges to reach the ultimate objective

Getting unstuck depends on our ability to take one simple action toward our overall goal knowing that getting our journey started is the key to building momentum and ovecoming the rut in which we find ourselves

So, the first step may be picking a specific social situation that isn't as overwhelming and really thinking about how others are acting and feeling in this situation.

For example, you agree to a small get together with a few people you know and in advance you think about where they are coming from, what their insecurities are (or could be), why they talk or act the way they do and how they probably are nervous themselves.

This accomplishes two things for you:

1. It takes the attention off of you and puts in onto them in your mind.  Our tendancy when we are low on self-confidence is to overthink our own behaviors.  This way you take the pressure off of yourself by thinking about who you will be meeting

2. You begin to come to terms with the fact that everyone has emotions, challenges they must overcome which helps put your own challenges into perspective so they don't seem so large

Having taken your own inernalization of pressure and attention off of yourself, you have created a "bridge" to becoming much more self-confident and self-assured in social situations.

In doing so, you have also taken the first step toward becoming unstuck…well on your way to building momentum toward further action. 

You have become Unstuck…it works each time so give it a try.

That elusive "happiness" goal we all have in the back of our minds has much more to do with how we feel about ourselves than what happens around us…so let's tackle learning to life ourselves.

When you are down on yourself, you tend to:

• Spend constant energy battling yourself which makes you tired, low energy, poor immune system, less attentive to everything around you, poor body language and social skills
• You lose perspective on objective reality, instead you create pictures of the worst possible situation and live that each day
• You come across to others as either stuck-up, hard to get along with, angry or so wrapped up in yourself most people wouldn't have anything to do with you

What is most challenging when you are in this state is KNOWING you are in this state.

It starts subtly with self-doubt, anxiety or one aspect of your character that you get down on yourself about.

For example – here are some we heard when we talk with people who have read Attracting Greatness -

• I have poor social skills, I'm shy or just not good in social situations
• I can't seem to carry out my dreams – I'm going nowhere
• I struggle with my health or energy – I just don't have the same drive as 99% of the population
• I am fragile – I can't handle rejection or setbacks…like others can
• Nobody likes me…I just can't figure out why that is, but it IS

Do these sound familiar?

What happens is that you take one perceived flaw in your character and turn that into a reason to beat yourself up continuously each day…without really knowing what impact that is having on your life.

But does this really make sense? 

Here are a couple of facts that may change your mind and help you to like yourself again:

1. We are all better at some things than others…if you can't cook does that mean you are a lesser person or that you should hate yourself?  Seriously, if you have challenges in certain situations in life, that should not take away from all of the things you ARE good at.  Maybe you are not the life of the party, but 1 on 1 I bet you are a very compelling person.  There are always positives to go along with any perceived weaknesses you have, so start focusing on the positives (or lamenting over them like you do on the negatives now)
2. Nobody is perfect, maybe someone is socially better than you but chances are they are suffering with their own low self-esteem on other matters (perhaps their ability to be alone, to be comfortable in their own skin or in 1 on 1 social situations. 
3. We can all improve…so you may believe you are weak in a certain area today, the fact is that we can improve on those situations and often do naturally as we mature, so what is today is NOT what will be tomorrow

Learning to like yourself is one of the MOST important things you can do right now to change your entire future for the better…print this off and make sure you read it at least once each day so that you can work on learning to like yourself instead of hating yourself.

Finding Your Place In Life

I hear from many so-called introverts who feel they are the only one's that feel like they had been placed on the wrong planet, that they just don't feel like they totally fit in and deperately want to find a way to be "normal" or "that person" they picture as the optimal character that does fit in with society. 

See if any of these statements ring a bell?

1. You feel more serious and alone than others seem to?
2. You would rather think, learn or experience life than hoarse around, socialize or act crazy
3. You are always thinking about how you don't seem to fit into certain situations…that you stand out, look silly or can't get things right
4. You have a huge internal battle going on between your creative, thinking side and the person you believe you "should" be to fit in

It's true that being a thinker, creative and life loving individual can be a challenge in the teen and twenty-something years as people try and find their identity in the world.  It is also true that because we tend to think, reflect and analyze life more, that means we also tend to over-analyze our place in the world compared to others who may just exist in these challenging times of self-discovery.

I can totally relate to your situation as well, I was always more serious, yet inside a dreamer as I grew up — still that way largely today, although I have learned to loosen up, enjoy all kinds of situations and people and to become more confident.

But there are some common mistakes introverts, thinkers or shy people make that can get them into trouble…so let's discuss those now:

1. I don't buy that because you are more introvert than extrovert (this is a sliding scale and people can slide more to the middle over time) that you have to be less confident or more shy.  Just because you enjoy thinking, dreaming, imagining, and creating doesn't mean that you need to have low self-esteem or be shy around others.  I don't even like the word introvert, instead we are more creative, enthusiastic about life and thoughtful…when put that way, doesn't sound so bad does it?

2. Now, if there are situations where you don't feel confident – then that can be addressed.  Low self-confidence often comes from deeply engrained fears – fear of looking bad, fear of losing something, fear of embarassment…Even worse, we tend to replay and enhance the potential impact of what "may" happen to the point of total irrationality (near paranoia).  I have found a few techniques help with fears…1) Writing them out – identifying what it is you are afraid of happening that makes you uncomofortable – write it out dozens of times so that you unburden your sub-conscious 2) Take the time to meditate each day – the single biggest benefit I have found from meditation over the years is being able to place objectivity back into assessing fears.  Instead of inflating fear, you actually see it for what it is which is often less than we make it out to be today.  Meditation really is a terrific tool for strenghening your ability to deal with everday life – challenging situations and deep-seeded fear.  3) Stop putting yourself at the center of every sitiuation.  People with low self confidence and shyness often view themselves as the center of attention which puts tremendous fear and pressure on them "looking good" or "acting just right"  When, in fact, you are just one small part of a social dynamic that is 90% not about you and 10% about you

To sum up — you CAN be both thoughtful, creative, and have a love of life without having to be an introvert or shy or have low self-confidence.  AND..the way to get there is to tackle your low self-confidence, manage your fear and anxiety and ease the pressure on yourself by taking yourself out of the center of all situations which today cause you to try so hard to fit in. 

One of the best books on the topic of turning your gifts, skills and the person YOU are today into achieving great things, gaining self-confidence and having more fun in life is Attracting Greatness…and incredible 5-step process for letting the Greatness within you shine through in all of it's power…to undo what has been holding you back and being fulfilled with your place in life. 

What about you…have you ever struggled with feelings of not fitting in?

Jeff

How can we expect to be productive, happy, and confident people if we lack a fundamental self respect? 

What are some examples where self respect is suffering?

1. Negative self-talk, where you demean or talk negatively about yourself.  You wouldn't think saying "You suck at…" would be respectful to someone else, so goes your self-respect if you say those sorts of things to yourself.  My son was at a baseball tryout today and did quite well, but missed a few ground balls, he came over to me and said "I suck at baseball".  I talked to him about self respect and how it would lead to self confidence, and ultimately better results (as there is a direct connection in the brain between how we THINK we are going to do at something and how we ACTUALLY do)

2. Giving in to someone else all the time.  I see this every day, people don't defend (or even express) their own point of view, but instead lack so much respect for themselves that they just stay silent and allow someone else to dominate.  It may seem to have no impact at the time, but each time you let this happen you lose more self respect, lose more self confidence and take a step back from living a full, on-purpose and happy life

3. Selling yourself short.  So many people underachieve compared to what is possible in their lives.  They may do this because of a negative past life experience, a fear, laziness – all of which leads to a low self respect and ultimately, others will think the same.  Would you rather be with someone who dreams big and reaches for the stars or someone who has chosen to live the safe, uneventful, boring life?  I don't mean you have to immediately become a risk taker, rock climber, race car driver, etc…it's not about becoming more Xtreme, but it IS about thinking big, not being afraid and constantly having enough self-respect to believe that anything is possible if you truly want it bad enough.

So how do you go about improving your self-respect?

1.  Start by thinking back in your life when you did have the most self-respect, when you felt like you were unstoppable, at the top of your game and proud of your achievements.  Can you remember how that felt?  Why did that situation make you feel that way?  You want to learn from those experiences so you can re-create that time in your life (albeit applied to the present, not the past)

2. Give yourself the freedom to think anything, but then edit those thoughts to adhere to the principles of self respect.  You don't want to pretend you don't have negative, conflicting thoughts – that would be unhealthy.  Instead, acknowledge those thoughts, but realize they are leading you down a path of low self-respect, so alter those thoughts to be more in line with what you want.  For example, someone you love tells you they want you to do something you would prefer not to do…acknowledge that at first your thought is to give in the avoid conflict, but then ask yourself – is that really what I want?  Wouldn't it be better if they knew my point of view?  Wouldn't anyone who really loved me respect me more if I showed my own self-respect? 

3. Put your emotions into perspective…this is where we use meditation as a mechanism to help put our thoughts, fears, emotions into more objective perspective.  No, we don't turn into unthinking, unfeeling robots, but we also take the edge off of negative emotions that tend to lower our self-respect

4. Choose those around you…only stay around those who will treat you with the respect that you now hold for yourself.  By choosing self respect, you have the strength and focus to pick quality friends, employees, jobs, lovers or other significant people with whom you will spend your time

Don't wait another minute, you must learn to improve your self-respect before any personal growth can occur in your life.  You can try positive thinking, affirmations, motivational training, time management or any other method of personal development, but if you lack self respect, it just won't take. 

What about you, how is your self-respect?

I hope you said yes…because everyone has at one time or another.  The trick is to manage low-self confidence and replace it with just "being yourself" again to get back on track.

Lack of self confidence can sneak up on you…just when you thought you had the world by the tail, slowly your life begins to unravel or a nagging challenge re-emerges in your life.

People who get stuck in a rut and have trouble with their confidence often describe it as…

• tremendous self-doubt – questioning yourself and how others perceive you constantly
• not being able to just be "me" – instead I act differently than I would like
• you don't have that extra charm, energy or charisma that others seem to be able to woo others with
• you end up beating yourself up with negative self-talk, negative thoughts or feelings
• you can't get it together when it matters the most, instead you make excuses and exit stage left…but it comes back to haunt you because YOU know you did it
• afraid that you won't be able to handle certain situations, embarassment or rejection…which creates anxiety and avoidance in your life
• uncomfortable around those that you want to be more like but perceive as "out of reach" for you
• experience a rollercoaster of feelings from way up to extremely badly hurt…wouldn't it be nicer to just live a more emotionally balanced life? 

I'm sure you can (or have been able to) relate to one or more of these feelings…low self esteem is something that happens to everyone at one point or another in life.

The good news is that there are ways to change your life, get unstuck and actually reverse the trend toward being more self confident.

I love the insights and techniques discussed in Attracting Greatness – getting to the root of what causes insecurity, low self esteem and being controlled in life rather than controlling your own way…fundamentally it comes down to a combination of factors including fear and anxiety, reaction to stress, alignment with a life purpose,  physical balance and methods you can use to tap into each of these to make sure you are working at 100% emotional efficiency. 

For example, here are some tips on helping to increase your self confidence quickly:

1. Work on techniques including meditation that help to uncover what truly makes you happy, finding your life purpose and putting stress into perspective to help manage your reaction to stress & anxiety  – this will lay the foundation for improving your self image including external projection of self confidence
2. Pay attention to your health – specifically get tested for common imbalances such as candida, parasites and nutritional deficiencies that hamper 90% of the population – clearing up these challenges paves the way for more energy, positivity and an overall improvement in your self-confidence
3. Positive affirmations…while these typically don't work on their own, when combined with the other methods they can be extremely powerful
4. Be motivated by setbacks and challenges as the necessary resistance to progress and success…instead of being dejected and negative about perceived setbacks, instead train yorself to be motivated by them as they are critical to your overall success in being "yourself"
5. Forget about external validation…if you realize that 90% of the population also suffer from low self-esteem, lack of purpose, overeact to stress and suffer lack of health, then it is no wonder that they do not validate you…they are largely incapable themselves so look for intrinsic motivation rather than external motivation

Having experienced the techniques and methods outlined in Attracting Greatnesss I can say without doubt that the methods outlined in that book (some of which are included above) will work to turn a lack of self confidence into total self confidence in a very short time.  Even if you are not suffering low self esteem now, it is still great information to have in your back-pocket for any future setbacks…now you will be prepared!

What about you?  Do you often feel pressured into saying "Yes" to someone or something because you think it is the right thing to do and then regret it later?

Or maybe you end a week by feeling drained having worked your butt off, yet you still haven't made progress on the things that MOST important to you?

I remember back nearly 14-years ago when many things in my life started to change for the better – my health, my professional career, relationships, and overall satisfaction in life.

There were multiple factors involved, but one of the most important was getting to the point where I could say No to activities, plans, and people that did not directly fit in with my focus.

I distinctly remember gaining confidence, being empowered by taking control and choosing exactly what I did, with who and when.  Of course, this didn't happen completely overnight and today I still struggle with competing interests of friends, customers, family and those around me…but I guard my time, energy and creativity extremely carefully today – and that has been a huge breakthrough in my life.

A good friend of mine reminded me of the power of no yesterday when it was clear he had placed himself into a corner in both his career and relationship to the point where things were going to blow…and worse, he had nobody to blame but himself.

In my mind, being able to say NO confidently means that you have a good handle on at least 3 important things in your life:

1. You know what you DO want, which makes it easy to know what to say "no" to those things that don't align.  We are far more likely to say Yes to anything when we are lost, stuck in a rut or rather desperate for finding direction in our lives.  By saying NO, we are showing the world that we know what we want and aren't afraid to go after it.

2. You have the self-confidence that pursuing your path and not the path that impresses someone around you is best.  Let's face it, saying no to bosses, influential people in your marketplace, those closest to us in a relationship, family or our kids is tough stuff…it takes an inner confidence that most of us have to work hard to get and maintain (Check out Attracting Greatness, an amazing blueprint for becoming more confident and productive)

3. You may actually get something done on the things that matter most to you — instead of being distracted by everything around you.  The closest thing to the Holy Grail of personal improvement is finding the ability to stay on target and get things done at a much faster pace than in the past…this builds momentum which boosts self confidence and energy in your life.

Are you at the point where you can say No confidently, keep distractions to a minimum and stay on target living an On Purpose life?

For most, especially kids and young adults, seeking self confidence through praise, doing the "right" thing and trying to "fit in" can actually send us down the wrong path – even though the quest for confidence building may seem like we are doing the right thing, by making the source of that self confidence something outside of us we are placing our very lives in the hands of others.

For instance, in this recent study in Michigan, students rated self confidence boosting feedback and situations above sex, drinking and getting paid meaning that the majority's dependence on external factors influencing their self esteem was almost as important as food, water and air to them.

But is that the right perspective? 

Does chasing praise and positive opinions about our behavior serve us well?

What happens if we lose that source of external self-esteem, will our lives collapse and fall apart? 

In Attracting Greatness it is clearly shown that the top achievers, happiest and most adjusted individuals are those that are able to draw on incredible sources of self confdience from within themselves. 

In fact, just knowing that they themselves can handle any situation and can pull up confidence no matter what their life situation is instills in them an inner peace, confidence, fulfillment and happiness that those who have yet to tap into their inner well of strength has.

So, the point being  – seeking self confidence through dependence on external factors is really no different than seeking satisfaction in life through dependencies on drugs, alcohol, eating or other destructive habits.

While working on your ability to trust yourself, see the tremendous energy and power of your own spirit, instincts and reason – and how all of this gives you an unending supply of internally derrived self confidence making you unstoppable is a terrific way build a healthy sense of self confidence that radiates energy and makes you more attractive to those around you. 

Where are you with your self confidence?  Are you able to see your own personal stores of energy and confidence?  Leave a comment and share.